The legal WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
by general-tommy
Summary: What happens when one of da Boyz needs a lawyer because of Murder? Like Zog I know, but I'm gonna find out.  Note that there will be OOC-ness, hopefully just on the Warhammer side.  I'll explain what I can, for those gitz who don't know 40K.
1. The job starts

(A/N: For those of you who have just joined, this technically isn't my first fanfic. It's just that I deleted the rest out of disgust because they were bad. And yes, this story probably won't make sense to a lot of people. I'll try to explain the parts most AA fans won't get as best as I can. Good thing I've got the appropriate codexes. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, I'll try to get more details in as time goes by.)

Apollo Justice walked into Wright Anything Co. As per usual, it was a big mess, pretty much everything being haphazardly put about, with most of the office devoted to Trucy's magic tricks. A cabinet held both Trucy's magic books, and Wright's law books (the latter of which was very dusty due to a lack of use). His brown hair was put mostly smooth except for his two spikes. Looking in a mirror, he thought to himself, _Perhaps I used a bit too much hair gel today…_

"Hey, Polly!" Trucy Wright yelled, apparently having been waiting for him. She was decked out in her usual attire, an overly extravagant magician's outfit, complete with a cape and top hat. "I was wondering when you'd get here."

Apollo twisted his neck a bit, having had a rough sleep the night before. "Yeah, I know," he replied. "Was up late last night. Had some problems sleeping again."

Trucy looked at Apollo funny. "That so? Well, don't worry, I'm here to help!"

Apollo sighed. The technicality was that Trucy was the CEO of Wright Anything Co, so he was technically her subordinate. Of course, this was mostly because Phoenix Wright was off playing piano for some people (and he was always bad, by his own admission). "So," Apollo asked, "Any new cases come in?"

Trucy shook her head, looking disappointed. "Nope. Real shame, I love to work on these cases with you!"

Apollo nodded. "About as fun as murders usually get. This is to say, not a lot."

The door to the office opened, and a man entered. He didn't wear anything particularly notable, just a black business suit and red tie. His black hair was neatly combed, and he looked like he was ready for anything. His face, however, was looking a bit nervous about something. "This Wright Anything Co?" the man asked, his voice sounding a bit like he was from New York, but otherwise not notable.

"Yeah!" Trucy replied, apparently excited at seeing a new customer. "What do you need?"

"Some help. I know you guys do law, and a friend of mine is in a bit of a legal jam," the man replied.

Apollo looked at the man, trying to determine what's going on, but his bracelet wasn't sensing anything unusual. "What kind of jam?" he asked.

"He's been accused of murder. The guy may be violent and crude, but he doesn't go around murdering people, especially not in the way he told me."

"Care to tell us who this guy is?" Apollo asked, a bit tense. _Because I certainly don't want to work with a guy who would hit me for screwing up…_

The man chuckled. "He's very noticeable, trust me. Just ask for the guy with the overdone accent and the violent tendencies…" the man paused for a moment, and then realized something, digging out a paperback book from a suitcase. "Here, you'll need this."

The book's title had the title of Warhammer 40,000, and underneath that it said, "Orks". The picture on the book showed a lot of green-skinned humanoids with crude armor and a lot of spikes apparently attacking something off-panel. The biggest one held what looked like an axe, caked in blood, with a black and white checker picture. Just next to him was another guy, smaller, but wielding some kind of machine gun. The background was swamped with various greenskins. The lower-left corner had a smaller version of the Warhammer 40,000 title, and underneath it said, "Codex".

The man handed it to Apollo, who promptly asked, "Why do we need this?"

"You'll find out. Just trust me, don't lose that," the man replied.

Apollo nodded and started skimming the various pages. About the first quarter of the book's pages described the "Orks", with their habits, physiology, and various other tidbits. The next quarter detailed each kind of Ork unit, with a statline for each one. Almost all of the units (save a select few) had a BS of "2", and a WS of "4" or higher.

"What does BS and WS mean?" Apollo asked.

"Ballistic skill and Weapon skill, their abilities at ranged and melee, respectively. For a point of reference, an average trained soldier has both set at 3. 2 you can only get if you don't aim, which is what Orks do. They think that spraying automatic fire in all directions is more dangerous than aiming. It's rather amusing, their thought processes."

"Why do we need a book for a game? I doubt that this will come in handy."

"Trust me, you'll find out. Just drop by the detention center, and ask for the overly violent man with an overdone accent. You can't miss him."

Apollo nodded. "Well, thanks, I guess. I'll try to get your friend an acquittal." Apollo decided to add to himself, _Because if this book is actually going to help, and if what that guy said is true, I'm in for a rude awakening when I get there…_

The man grinned. "Thanks. I really hate it when my friend gets himself into trouble, but often times it's amusing. This time, not so much. If you need clarification on a few things, I'll be glad to help you out. But I think it's best that you met the client first."

Trucy grinned widely. "I'm sure it won't be that bad, right Polly?"

Apollo couldn't help but force a grin. "Yeah…sure…we'll do what we can…"

"You'd better," The man replied, his gaze lowering. "I doubt my friend will take kindly to a screw-up. Like I said, he's a bit violent. If you screw up and he gets himself out, I'm pretty sure he'll pay you a little visit. And I doubt that you want that."

Apollo gulped. "Right…I'm sure I don't…well…come on Trucy, let's get to the Detention Center…"


	2. Meet the client

(A/N: Alright, time for round 2. Long as the juices, are flowing, anyway.)

Apollo Justice and Trucy made straight for the Detention Center. As per usual, the room was entirely featureless save for a camera and a guard who never seemed to move. Apollo gulped a bit. "I hope our client isn't a horrific murderer…"

Trucy nodded. "That…that would be—"

The door opened before Trucy could finish her sentence, with a voice screaming, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Both Apollo and Trucy jumped in their seats. Some other voices could be heard, saying, "You'll just have to sit down without that 'Slugga' or 'Choppa' of yours!"

The first voice replied, "Wut kinda boy goez anyw'ere wivout 'is Slugga or Choppa? Dat jus' Un-Orky!"

Apollo and Trucy was a bit scared of this first voice. "Err…hello?" Trucy asked.

Out of the door came what looked like a well-muscled, green-skinned human. The man's heavy brow shaded his blood-red eyes. Were it not for the fact that he was slouching a bit, he would probably be a lot taller than a grown man. All of his teeth were jagged and sharp, indicating that he was probably a carnivore, and he seemed genuinely ticked off. "OI! Wuz you humies want?" he yelled.

Apollo nervously pulled out his Attorney's badge. It looked like little more than a pie, the back of which had Apollo's attorney number. "I'm a Defense Attorney. Your friend told me that you needed help?" Apollo said, more than a little nervous. _This guy looks like he could rip my arms off without trying…let's hope it doesn't come to that…_

The creature grinned. "So dat'z wut 'e came in 'ere fer. Nice ta meet ya, humies. Ya can call me 'Slashy-Stab'. Dat's wut dey called me back wen I wuz a Kommando. Wuz yer name?"

"Apollo Justice." Apollo motioned towards Trucy, saying, "And this is Trucy."

Slashy-Stab nodded. "Nice ta meet ya, humies. So, wut da Gork do ya want? Can't ya seem I'm a bit busy tryin' ta get me Slugga an' Choppa back?"

Trucy was too much in shock at seeing Slashy-Stab to even comment on it, so Apollo filled in for her. "What's a 'Slugga'? And what's a 'Choppa'?"

"Did'n my Grod give ya da Codex fer da Orks? Try lookin' through it, ya might lern a few tings about da Orks."

Trucy finally snapped out of her shock, and decided to ask the obvious question. "So…uh…what are you?"

Slashy-Stab seemed to be amused by that question. "Iz an Ork. Orks iz da biggest an da strongest an da greenest! Ya won' fin annuva boy quite like da Orks, lemme tell ya dat."

_So THAT'S why the dude gave us the Ork Codex…_Apollo thought to himself. He then decided to flip through the Ork Codex to figure out what he meant by "Grod". Page 30 appeared to be decorated with the Ork language. "Grod" apparently meant "Friend" or "Favorite Enemy". _Why are there such extremes in the meaning?_ Page 89 started listing off the various pieces of Ork "Wargear". A "Choppa" was apparently a basic melee weapon (though it apparently meant everything from a blunt instrument to a chainsaw weapon) and a "Slugga", in combination with the pictures, was apparently a pistol of some sort. There were also a lot of other strange items listed off that didn't mean a lot to Apollo at the moment. "So why do you want to hold onto these weapons so badly?"

Slashy-Stab's face turned into a frown, as if quite annoyed by that question. "Wut kinda Ork goez aroun' wivout 'is Choppa and 'is Slugga? Or 'is Shoota…an if 'e's an Oddboy, 'is Mek Tools, or 'is Dok's tools…or if 'e's a speshul Ork, 'is Burna…or 'is Rokkit Launcha, or 'is Rokkit pack…or if'n e's a Nob, 'is Power Klaw…poin' bein', no Ork ever goes aroun' wivout sum kinda weapon. It's just Un-Orky ta not 'ave somefing ta 'urt someone wiv. Dem humies decided dat my Slugga an' Choppa were 'Eveedeence', and dat I couldn' 'ave dem back till da 'trial' was ova." Slashy-Stab then sighed, his head visibly sinking. "Can ya 'elp me get back my Slugga an' Choppa?"

Apollo nodded. "I can, if you can answer some questions for me."

"Sure fing humie. Wuz you wanna know?"

_Okay, I need to get the right information out of Slashy-Stab, so I need to be careful what questions I ask him…_Apollo started pondering what to ask him for about ten seconds, and then asked, "What did you see regarding the crime?"

Slashy-Stab frowned, as if thinking to himself. After about thirty seconds, he replied, "I wuz on my way 'ome afta sum fun ova at my Grod's 'ouse. Den, on da way back, I 'eard a Slugga shot. Tinking dat dere wuz a proper scrap goin' around nearby, I ran off tad a source of da noise. Wen I got dere, dere wuz some kinda humie girl lying on da groun'. I ain't no Painboy, but I tought dat she wuz dead."

"Why do you think that?"

"She 'ad a 'ole in 'er fore'ead. I dun tink dat youz humies can survive dat kinda shot. Dere were burn marks roun' er head as well. I decided dat dem gitz dat shot da lady might still be 'roun, so I looked 'roun da alleyway fer a couple seconds. Couldn' find sum humies ta scrap wiv, so I decided ta 'ead back 'ome. Wen I got outta da alleyway, dere were sum humie police-boyz waitin' fer me, sayin' dat I shot da humie in da 'ead. Dey decided ta bring me in, takin' me Slugga and Choppa!"

Apollo nodded. _So this means that Slashy-Stab was not in the vicinity when he arrived. That will probably help out a lot._ "Anything else you can tell me?"

"Dat's all I know, humie. Now, get da Gork outta 'ere an' get me outta dis join', a'fore I decide ta force my way out meself. I'd do it too."

Apollo gulped. "Sure thing. I'll get right on that!" He then turned and bolted out of the room, with Trucy following behind him.

Trucy decided to point out the obvious. "So, Slashy-Stab was nowhere near the crime when it took place…I think we ought to investigate the crime-scene to figure out what we can."

Apollo shook his head. "I think we ought to get a few things clarified by his friend before we go off to the crime scene. The rules are different this time around."

Trucy looked at Apollo, completely confused. "Uh…what do you mean? We solve it the way we always do! We find evidence, we point out the contradictions, and we win the trial and go home in time for dinner!"

"The problem is the second part. We're used to dealing with humans. This guy is an Ork. From what I can tell, it's going to be entirely different this time around. I've already determined a few things regarding that…"

"How so?"

"For one, he made mention that every Ork goes around with a Choppa and Slugga. Or some kind of weapon. This makes him a likely suspect, because he had a weapon at the time. Secondly, it appears that his thought process is completely different, if he started to run _to_ a fight instead of away from it. We'll need a couple things clarified first."

Trucy nodded, slowly. "I guess so…"

Apollo looked at the Ork Codex again. _Something tells me that all the answers that I need are right in this book…_


	3. Information browsing

(A/N: Wow. There has been quite a lot of talking in these first few chapters. I'll try to work in more details over the next few. My apologies for the boring-ness of it so far. And I still don't know why I'm doing this.)

Apollo and Trucy walked right back into Wright Anything Co. The man was just sitting down on the couch, apparently flipping through one of Phoenix's legal textbooks, and muttering to himself. Apollo couldn't determine just what he was saying though.

When Trucy closed the door, the man looked up. "Ah, you're back. I suppose you've met the client?" he asked.

Apollo nodded. "Yeah. Perhaps you can clarify a few things for me, which really need clarifying."

The man nodded. "I'm sure that they do. Alright, what do you want to know?"

Apollo's mind was racing with so many questions, but he had to stick to the ones that mattered to the trial. "Do you think that Slashy-Stab can shoot somebody point-blank with his Slugga?"

Trucy looked at Apollo funny, very confused as to where he was going with this. The man shook his head. "He's an Ork. They prefer hitting things in melee to shooting. Not like he'd hit that part anyway. Orks are universally bad shots, capable of hitting the mark only one in every 3 rounds, and that's if they're lucky. Orks never aim, and if it was point-blank, he would've preferred cutting at his target instead, especially considering that he's a Kommando."

"I presume that means that he's special forces?"

"Not entirely. Orks have addictive personalities, tending to get slotted in where they're most addicted to, be this driving really, really fast, melee, shooting, burning things, and in a few rare cases, actually being disciplined. There are two sub-groups within Orkdom that represent the last one: Stormboyz and Kommandos. Stormboyz, for all their talk of discipline and training, their battlefield doctrine relies on just using rokkit packs to get right to the enemy's face before the other boyz do. Kommandos are the exact opposite. They're, quite contrary to Orky behavior, stealthy, getting their kicks from slitting enemy throats and doing various other stealthy things. They love attacking an enemy from the shadows and then killing them, causing panic because the enemy thought they could see an Ork attack coming from a mile away."

Apollo's gears were turning in his head, and something finally clicked as he put the pieces together. "So he wouldn't shoot the girl, not just because he was point-blank, but also because he prefers stealth?"

The man nodded, grinning as well. "You hit the nail on the head, metaphorically speaking. Yes, Slashy-Stab would prefer to stab his target than shoot them because Ork guns make a lot of noise."

Trucy started thinking out loud. "Why would Ork guns make a lot of noise? Most guns just sound like firecrackers."

Apollo started to recall the case where he met Lamiroir. _Yeah, like how __Daryan Crescend used firecrackers to make us think that the victim was shot in the third act, not the second one…_

The man shook his head. "Orks have a word called 'Dakka'. It means either 'Attack', 'Noisy Weapon', 'Shoot', or 'Fight', but most people refer to it in the sense of firing rate. The second part is what matters the most, because Orks have a very hard time believing that a quiet gun can do any real damage. So they intentionally ramp up the noise of the gun to make it sound more threatening. Orks being Orks, this means that it actually is."

Apollo and Trucy both put on a look of absolute confusion at that last statement. _"Actually is"? What is he talking about?_ Apollo asked himself.

"Uh…how does that work?" Trucy asked.

"It's complicated. To put it in short terms, Orks make stuff work because they think it should work. It's a common Ork belief that a vehicle painted red goes faster than one not painted red. For a very complicated reason, this actually is true, but only for Orks. In fact, most of their equipment literally should not work, but Orks make it work by the power of belief."

"That's…"

"Strange, I know. Trust me, it gets weirder the more time you spend with them. All you need to remember is that for Orks, Might makes Right. No Ork has ever questioned that logic, and you probably shouldn't either."

…_Wait a minute, I almost forgot to ask him about this one…_Apollo realized, remembering the word "Grod". "Hey, can you tell me which part of 'Grod' you are on? Friend or favorite enemy?"

The man stared at Apollo for a minute, before asking, "Difference being…?"

…_WHAT? There's a huge difference in meaning!_

Trucy then realized something. "I think that the word means the same thing in the end," she pointed out. "I mean, if Orks thing that Might makes Right, then wouldn't it make sense that your friend is also your favorite enemy?"

…_That logic is why I'm the attorney, and you're not…_

The man chuckled, "She's got a point."

…_Okay, now I KNOW that this will be more difficult that it should be…_

Trucy grinned as she pushed down her hat a bit. "Thanks mister!"

…_Can someone PLEASE explain why she's right?_

The man looked at Apollo. "You're obviously confused," he stated.

_I am quite well aware of that fact…_

"Alright, I'll explain," the man stated. "For Orks, fighting is everything. They need fighting as much as a regular man needs food and water. Their society is built entirely around fighting, so naturally, friendship is measured in the ability to fight. Trust me, it was surprising when I first met the dude. I'm just glad that I had a knife on me, or else I would've been screwed up badly."

Apollo finally decided to speak up after hearing that. "So what you're telling me is…Orks fight just because they like it?"

The man nodded. "Yeah. That pretty much rules out needing to prove a motive, unfortunately. As such, you'll have to work more on evidence contradictions than anything else."

_And with the Jurist system that Wright put in…wow, I never thought that I would actually be annoyed at that now, it actually helped save my client and get the real criminal guilty…and now it's going to be working against me…well, I guess that's what happens when you're working with somebody with a completely different thought pattern than a regular human…_"So, what would you suggest that we do?"

The man shook his head. "I ain't an attorney. You're the guy that solves the case. Just do what you usually do. You can swing by here with some evidence so that I can provide clarity on it, but that's all I can do."

_I'm probably going to need that, if I'm going to figure this all out…So, lemme recap for myself. I've got an Ork client, a victim shot in the forehead, no motive required to prove that he did it, and my only source of information is this guy, and the Ork Codex. Lovely._


	4. Day 1: Investigation

Apollo and Trucy headed off to the crime scene, an alley nearby the Police Station. The alleyway was pretty beaten up, with a lot of stuff thrown around with no rhyme nor reason. All the way at the other side of the alley appeared to be some tape spread out to look like a body. _Alright, time to begin investigating for clues…Slashy-Stab's "search" methods really did not help any…_ Apollo thought to himself.

Trucy walked over to where the body was. The tape was spread out in a way that made it look like the victim was slumped against the wall. "Poor girl, she must've been cornered by her attackers…" she said.

"Hey! Hey! HEY! Get away from there!" a voice yelled.

Trucy and Apollo both realized who it was, and turned to meet it. Ema Skye, police detective. As per usual, she was in her labcoat and had her red-tinted glasses over her head. "Hey Ema," Apollo said. "Nice to see you again."

Ema grunted. "Yeah, well I'm not glad for this case," she said, instinctively grabbing her back of Snackoos and chowing down, like she normally did when nervous or just didn't want to talk. "The defendant made a mess of this place, so it's hard to search for clues."

"I can tell," Apollo replied. "You happen to have an autopsy report of the victim for us?"

Ema looked over her shoulder, and groaned. "Yeah, I've got it. It's a pretty simple murder. Point blank shot to the forehead. We've also got a couple pictures of the crime scene as well." Ema grabbed a couple of files out of her bag and handed them over to Apollo.

The autopsy report read, "Time of death (estimated): 7:00 PM. Cause of death: A single bullet to the head from point-blank range. Victim died from blood loss and brain damage, almost immediately after the injury."

Apollo then looked over at the crime scene photos. The first one depicted the victim, slumping over at the wall. Her clothing didn't look too extravagant, though colors were impossible to tell, due to the photos being in black and white. The second one was a diagram of the scene, showing that there was only one way into this alley: The front. There were also depictions of the various "investigation techniques" that Slashy-Stab committed. Checking the crime scene, nothing seemed to be terribly out of place. "Anything else worth noting?" Apollo asked.

"Just the size of the gun. It's as big as a grown man's head! Of course, when we investigated it, our gune experts agreed that it literally should not shoot. The best way to describe the gun would be: 'a tube, some springs, bullets, and a completely backwards firing mechanism'."

_Orks really aren't great engineers then…I guess it's a good thing that things work because they think it should work…_

Trucy decided to ask, "Any other pieces of evidence?"

"Nah, the crime scene's pretty clean. Or at least, as clean as it will be, considering that the defendant really ripped the place up for some reason," Ema replied. "Course, we haven't done luminol tests yet. If you're interested, we can do it together."

Apollo thought for a bit. "That would probably be the best course of action," he stated. He immediately recognized Ema's love for science flare up in her eyes as she started rummaging through her bag for luminol spray and some spare glasses. _Who knows, we may actually learn something from all of this?_

Once Ema handed out the spray and glasses, Apollo decided to spray the obvious part: Where the body was found, and the wall behind it. Unsurprisingly, the neon-blue glow of the blood showed up. For the next half-hour or so, Apollo, Ema, and Trucy sprayed various locations, even moving about some of the garbage that was lying around to do so. Nothing else turned out positive. "Well, this pretty much confirms that there wasn't a struggle, not like that's likely when dealing with somebody as big as the defendant. Seriously, that guy is really big. I'm surprised that he's as cooperative as he is, even if it is a pain to stop him from trying to grab his gun and knife when we bring it out."

Apollo decided to bring out the Ork codex, flipping to page 91, to read the Slugga entry. It read: "A slugga is an ugly, brutish gun perfectly designed for its ugly, brutish owner to kill his foes, either by shooting them at close range or beating them to death with it." The statline read "Range: 12, Str: 4, AP: 6, Notes: Pistol".

_Perhaps I ought to talk with that guy regarding the stats of the gun. That might come in handy,_ Apollo thought. Then he realized something. "Hey, who's prosecuting this case anyway?"

Ema groaned. "That glimmerous fop Klavier. I hate having to work with that guy," she replied, quickly eating some Snackoos.

Trucy grinned. "Wow! That's great! Maybe he'll be able to help us in this case!" she replied, overly excited.

_Well, one thing's for sure: Klavier isn't as bad as some prosecutors. He'll at least be willing to compare notes with us,_ Apollo thought. "Perhaps we ought to swing by his office in order to learn a few things?"

Trucy nodded. "Yeah! Let's do that!"

Over at Klavier's office, which was, as per usual, decked out in various guitars and multiple TV screens, Klavier seemed to be looking over what looked like a very large pistol, about the size of Apollo's head, with a giant knife nearby. Klavier was handling it with professional care, muttering to himself as well. The only thing that Apollo could catch was, "This gun is really big, and quite heavy…wonder how big the bullets are for this thing…"

"Hey Klavier!" Trucy yelled, completely giving them away and breaking Klavier's train of thought.

Klavier looked over to Trucy and Apollo. "Ah, the Fräulein and Herr Forehead. Pleasure to see you two again. What do you need? An autograph?" he asked, clearly toying with Trucy.

Trucy, as per usual, was completely taken in by Klavier, almost going into full fangirl mode before Apollo stepped in. "We're here to compare notes about the case involving Slashy-Stab," he stated.

"The green guy? Yeah, I can help ya out. I've currently got his gun and knife with me right now, and already I'm noticing a few odd things."

Apollo gleamed over at the Slugga. "You mean besides the fact that the gun shouldn't work?" he asked.

"Well, there's that and the fact that no bullets were fired out of the current magazine. Presumably, either the green guy carries around two guns, or he didn't shoot the target."

_Alright! Finally some hardcore evidence that helps my case out!_ Apollo's face beamed at this knowledge. "Perhaps there may be some more information I can give you to help us out."

"Yeah? What might that be, Herr Forehead?"

_Can ya cut it out with the "Herr Forehead" thing?_ "I happen to have the Ork Codex, but I'm not sure how much help it'll be either way." Apollo pulled out the Ork Codex.

"I've skimmed a copy of that book once. I doubt it'll help you at all. In fact, it kinda points out that the green dude is more than willing to kill somebody for no particular reason whatsoever."

_I'm aware of that…_ Apollo shook his head. "There's one other thing to keep in mind. The codex says that Orks love melee combat. I think that'll go a long ways for pointing out a few contradictions."

Klavier started thinking to himself. "Yeah, that would happen under most circumstances," he replied. "Course, it's not like this guy is the usual Ork. He seems…too cooperative."

_Yeah…that is true…book said that Orks would rather die than bow to another non-greenskin's rule…that's really not helping me out…_ Apollo started thinking to himself again. _All I really have to go off of this thing is the "str 4". But what does that even mean? I think I oughta have a discussion with that guy again…_

Trucy then decided to ask, "Hey, can you let us see that gun?"

Klavier shook his head. "Sorry, Fräulein, but the rules say that I have to hold onto it until the trial begins. I hope that you'll have learned a few things by then."

Apollo nodded. "We'll just be on our way then. I've got a witness I need to question," he stated, heading for the door. "Come on Trucy."

Trucy nodded. "Alright, I'm coming!" she stated, running off to meet Apollo.

Back at Wright Anything Co, the man was still standing there. "You're back. Found anything useful yet?" he asked.

Apollo shook his head. "I've got a few more things that need clarifying."

"Shoot."

_I need to ask about the gun…that's the most vital part right now…_Apollo gulped. "What can you tell me about the statline of the Slugga?"

The man grinned. "It's a bit confusing," he admitted. "I think inches represent about 10 or so meters, but I'm not positive. The AP stands for 'Armor-piercing'. In this case, the only armor it can consistently pierce is Ork armor, which can basically be described of as some metal and leather haphazardly thrown onto the body."

"And the 'Str 4'?"

"Strength 4. For a point of reference, another gun with a strength value of 4 is a Boltgun, or 'Bolter'. It can best be described of as a fully-automatic armor-piercing rocket-propelled-grenade launcher. Each individual round, or 'bolt', is set to detonate after it enters the target, dealing massive damage."

…_WHAT? Who makes a gun THAT over-the-top? And he's saying that the Slugga is just as powerful?_ Apollo though, very confused. Then something clicked in his head. "Wait, if the Slugga has the equivalent power of a rocket-propelled grenade if it was a bullet, then wouldn't that mean…"

"The wound was too small!" Trucy pointed out. "There's no way that gun could've caused the damage!"

The man nodded. "If the Slugga hit the target in the head, suffice to say the target will be missing most of his head. And knowing Slashy-Stab, he doesn't like to carry around any gun that isn't made by an Ork, so that rules out the possibility of him using a different gun. Besides, he likes the damage caused by it, as would any Ork," he replied. "Orks run on the principle that bigger is better. Bigger wounds are better than smaller wounds for Orks, which is quite true."

Apollo grinned. _This will work out great! All it takes is getting the judge to understand what's going on…may God have mercy on my soul…_

"If you have no other questions, I'll be heading home now. It's getting late, and I think you can use some sleep."

Apollo nodded. "Yeah, this is about all the information we can get today. Thanks for your help." _Because I'm sure that I can't find any other witnesses to the crime…_


	5. Day 2: Trial former

(A/N: Okay then boyz, I finally got some ideas as to how the plot will work out, thanks to some inspiration from Gork and Mork. It's gonna be a rollercoaster of silly from here, so hang on to your seats!)

The day of the trial came, and Apollo, Trucy, and Slashy-Stab were all in Defendant Lobby #2. It was pretty simple, with a couch, a picture, and some plants. Slashy-Stab decided to break the ice. "Ey, humie. Wuz you find out about da case?"

Apollo shook his head. "I've got a few things to run on, but it's going to be difficult to prove your innocence, given who you are and all," he replied.

"What da Gork iz that supposed ta mean? Youz tryin' ta say dat Iz gonna be tossed in jail anyway?"

Apollo put on a nervous look. "It's not that, it's the Jurist system. Not only does evidence count for getting someone in jail, but perceived criminality. Unless we can find the actual killer, chances are that you'll get thrown in jail for the second part." _And I seriously hope that it doesn't come to that…_

Slashy-Stab started muttering to himself. "What da Gork is wiv dis legal system? If'n we were wiv da Orks, it would just be who could bash in da 'ead of da other Ork…"

Trucy looked to Apollo. "You think we can do this?" she asked, very nervous.

"We'll have to Trucy. I trust the client," Apollo replied. _Best check the Court Record again, just to be safe…_

Looking through the Court Record, it was surprisingly barren. There was Apollo's badge, the Ork Codex, and profiles of the Defendant, Ema, Apollo, Trucy, and Klavier. _Great…all I really have to go on is this book…lovely…_

When the trial started, Apollo, Trucy, and Slashy-Stab took their seats over at the right side of the room. Klavier took the left side. The judge, wearing his black robe, with his long beard and very bald head, hammered down his gavel in order to shut up the muttering. "Court is now in session for the trial of…uh…" he looked right at the defendant, obviously a bit intimidated. "Who is this guy…?"

Klavier replied with, "Herr Judge, this is the defendant. He's not our usual case this time. It's going to be a bit confusing, trust me."

"Uh…right…well then, court is now in session. Is the prosecution and defense ready?"

Klavier played a bit of air guitar, and replied with, "I'm ready to rock!"

Apollo swallowed, and said, "The defense is ready, your honor."

Slashy-Stab looked over at Apollo. "Oi, humie. You look nervous. Dun worry, we'll be just fine," he said, putting on a wide grin, which showed just how many pointy teeth he had.

The judge said, "Will the prosecution give its opening statements?"

Klavier grinned. "Sure thing, Herr Judge," he said, obviously certain that he would win. "The victim was one Sarah Cain. She worked over at a local pharmacy, and was heading home. She turned down the alleyway, and was cornered by the defendant, who promptly shot her once in the forehead. A simple, clean shot, without any resistance. Thankfully, police arrived on the scene, due to it being very close to their offices."

"Sounds like a very simple case. Very well, the prosecution may call its first witness."

"The prosecution calls the detective in charge of the case to the stand." Ema Skye took her place at the stand, looking bored as per usual. "Witness, name and occupation."

Ema groaned. "Ema Skye. I'm a detective," she replied, having said this multiple times already. "I also am a forensic scientist."

Slashy-Stab looked over to Apollo. "Ey humie. What da Gork is a 'forenseec scientest'?"

Apollo decided to answer this question with, "It means that she checks stuff out with scientific tools."

"So she's a Painboy?"

"No, not a Painboy. Or a Mek, before you ask that question."

"Whateva. Long as she dun try ta get me in trouble."

Klavier asked, "Witness, would you kindly explain the crime in detail?"

Ema nodded. "Fine, I'll do it," she answered. Taking a breath, she gave her testimony. "The victim was shot once in the forehead at point-blank range. She was cornered in an alleyway nearby the police station. The defendant was found at the scene of the crime, having tossed around a lot of stuff. He was found carrying an oversized pistol and a really big knife. Presumably, he used the pistol to kill the defendant in one shot."

The judge nodded his head, still trying to gather the fact that the defendant was both huge and green. "Very well then. The defense may now cross-examine the witness," he stated, hammering his gavel in a completely unneeded manner.

Slashy-Stab was a bit confused. "Oi. Wuz a 'cross-examenetion'?"

"Just watch," Apollo replied.

Ema repeated her testimony. "The victim was shot once in the forehead at point blank range."

"HOLD IT!" Apollo yelled. "Are you sure that it was point-blank?"

"There were burn marks around the forehead. So yes, I am pretty sure it was point-blank."

"Da Gork wuz dat question fer?" Slashy-Stab asked. "Dat didn elp out me case at all!"

_Perhaps that question was a bit stupid…_

"She was cornered in an alleyway by the police station," Ema continued. "The defendant was found at the scene of the crime, having tossed around a lot of stuff."

"HOLD IT!" Apollo yelled. "For what reason do you believe he was throwing around stuff?"

"I think that there might have been a struggle, and with the defendant being as big as he is, it isn't unlikely that he tossed stuff around."

"I think that there wasn't a struggle though," Apollo replied, putting on a smug look.

"Then why did the defendant toss stuff around?"

"What if he was looking for something? Or someone?"

"OBJECTION!" Klavier yelled. "Herr Forehead, I don't think that the defendant looking for something or someone really changes the fact that he shot somebody. Unless you think that there was somebody else at the scene?"

_Most likely, but I don't know who that is…_

Ema decided to continue her testimony. "He was found carrying an oversized pistol and a really big knife."

"HOLD IT!" Apollo yelled out. "The pistol, I don't think it was put into the records yet."

"Whoops, my mistake," Klavier replied. He pulled out the Slugga and Choppa. "Here, the defendant's knife and gun. They only had his fingerprints on it."

"The court accepts these two pieces as evidence," the judge stated, adding them to the record.

_Perfect, now here's my chance to examine the gun and knife…_ Apollo thought, taking a good look at the Slugga and Choppa. _Man, these things are kinda heavy…and really big…if the book is right, it's a very overpowered gun as well…_

"Presumably, he used the pistol to kill the defendant in one shot," Ema finished, grabbing some Snackoos.

"OBJECTION!" Apollo yelled. "The Slugga, looking it over…it doesn't seem that any rounds were fired out of it."

Ema grabbed her cheek, a bit shocked. "Really? I didn't know that!"

The Judge also looked a bit shocked as well. "So what you're saying is that it couldn't be the murder weapon?"

Klavier cried out, "OBJECTION! Upon examining the defendant's possessions, we found multiple spare magazines, with varying amounts of ammunition in them. The chances that the defendant simply reloaded are very high."

Apollo put on a very smug look. "There's another reason as to why this couldn't be the murder weapon," he answered. "It's way too overpowered to leave the hole in the picture."

The Judge was obviously confused now. "Err…beg pardon?" he asked.

Apollo smirked. "For some complicated reasons, I would like to demonstrate the gun's power," he answered. "I would like to ask that the defendant shoot the gun, for a couple of reasons."

"Hmmmm…I don't like the sound of this…but all right." The Judge slammed his gavel down. "Bailiff! Hand the defendant his gun, and keep a close eye on him. If he tries anything funny, I want you to restrain him."

"ALL RIGHT!" Slashy-Stab yelled. "I get me slugga back! Dis iz a very good day!"

The Bailiff handed Slashy-Stab the slugga quietly, though he was obviously a bit intimidated by Slashy-Stab's sheer size. Apollo then said, "Defendant. Please shoot the gun over at the wall."

"…Err…alrighty den humie," Slashy-Stab replied, quickly turning to the nearest wall and firing the Slugga from the hip. The bang from the gun sounded less like an actual pistol and more like a car backfiring. The hole left over from the gun was also large enough to throw a baseball through.

Everybody had clasped their hands over their heads for a few seconds. Eventually, Apollo decided to speak up, saying, "I hope that everyone noticed a couple of things from that demonstration."

"Like what?" the Judge asked.

"Look at the size of the hole in the wall. It's big enough to throw a baseball through, at least. Imagine the damage that pistol can do to a human's head."

Ema then realized the answer. "That wouldn't create a normal sized hole, it would've blown the target's head to pieces!" she answered, a bit too loud.

"Precisely. The gun has far too much power behind it to be used the way it was. Furthermore, the noise of the gun is so great that it would've been impossible to miss by most people. Also, just as a third note, the Defendant shot from the hip instead of aiming."

"Aiming? Wot'z dat?" Slashy-Stab asked, obviously confused. "Dat sum kinda humie ting?"

"…Wait, the defendant doesn't even know what aiming is?" the Judge asked.

"Indeed, "Apollo answered, nodding his head. "The defendant doesn't aim his guns at all."

"OBJECTION!" Klavier cried out, slamming his fist against the wall behind him. "The wall would be impossible to miss! What if he just didn't feel like aiming at a target that is highly difficult to miss?"

"…I dun know what da Gork yer talking bout, humie, but I tink dat you'z dun know da Orks very well," Slashy-Stab stated.

"Does the prosecution have any other witnesses?" the judge asked.

"We do have one…" Klavier answered. "I'll need some time to prep him, however."

The judge hammered his gavel down. "This court will now take a 15 minute recess."


	6. Day 2: Trial Latter

(A/N: Sorry for the wait guys, but I had loaned out my Ork Codex to my best friend. I'll try to be more consistent for later chapters, but first I need a proper name for the criminal. After that, I'm sure I can get chapters out easier)

Slashy-Stab, Trucy, and Apollo re-entered Defendant Lobby #2, with Slashy-Stab still carrying the Slugga. "Ey humie," he said. "Tanks fer getting' me Slugga back. Iz owe ya."

"I'm gonna have to ask for that back though," Apollo replied. "Nothing personal, just that its evidence, and we can't have the defendant walking around armed." _Oh god…don't shoot me…_

Slashy-Stab started thinking for about ten seconds, and then replied, "Sure fing, humie. You'z da 'ttorney roun' ere. I tink dat youz know dese 'leeegal proceedings' more den I do." Slashy-Stab handed back the oversized pistol to Apollo, who promptly filed it away into the Court Record.

_Wow…this is actually working out a lot easier than I thought it would be…lucky me, I guess…_

Trucy decided to ask, "Hey…uh…Slashy-Stab…"

"Yeah?" Slashy-Stab replied.

"Why is your nickname the way it is?"

"Da Kommandos giv' nicknames off of what da Ork does best. Iz got me name cuz' Iz good wiv slashin' an stabbin'. 'Ad a coupla Grods who wuz real shooty-like. Dey wuz given da nickname of 'Dakka-blasta'."

_Orks have a very high lack of creativity when it comes to nicknames, I guess…_ Apollo thought to himself.

"Huh," Trucy replied. "So, do the other Orks like what you do?"

Slashy-Stab thought for a couple of seconds, and then replied, "Da Gork if'n I know. Personally, I dun care what dem uvva Boyz tink o' me. Most o' dem Boyz tink I'z an untrustworthy git cuz I'm a Blood Axe."

"A…Blood Axe?" Apollo asked, a bit confused.

"You'z got dat Codex, right? Da Blood Axes are wun o' da biggest Ork Klans out dere. Look 'em up."

Apollo nodded and grabbed the Ork codex. Flipping around the book for a bit, he found what he was looking for. The details basically listed that the Blood Axes were a clan that actually employed tactics, used camouflage, and openly worked with humans, giving them an untrustworthy reputation among the other Orks. The quote at the beginning said, "Us Blood Axes have learnt a lot from da humies. How best ta kill 'em, fer example." The one who said this quote was named, "Korporal Snagbrat of the Dreadblade Kommandos".

_Well, at least he's in a clan that won't kill me off the bat…_Apollo thought.

"Oi, humie…" Slashy-Stab said.

"Yeah?"

"I tink I'z got an idea of 'ow yer 'leegal system' werks. I tink dat you'z betta ask dis 'weetness' about 'o da Gork 'e saw, cuz it wuzn't me, dat much I'm sher uv."

"I'll take that under advisement," Apollo replied. _Actually, that does sound like a good idea. Who did that guy see?_

When the trial resumed, the Judge slammed his gavel down on the ground, and stated, "Court is back in session. Prosecutor Gavin, is your witness ready?"

Gavin nodded. "As sure as he'll ever be, Herr Judge," he answered. "The prosecution calls the only witness to the crime to the stand." A man stood up and walked over to the witness stand, obviously nervous at Slashy-Stab. He was wearing a basic business suit, and had blonde hair. "Witness, name and occupation."

The man stared at Slashy-Stab with a look of fear in his eyes. He managed to snap out of it and said, "Edwin Alvaro. I…uh…I work over at the local mall. Just a clerk."

Slashy-Stab looked at Hannes as if trying to read him. "I sur az Gork dun know dis guy," he said.

Edwin recoiled a bit, as if expecting Slashy-Stab to lash out at him. "I…I'm sorry…I just…I'm a bit intimidated by the defendant…"

The Judge nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, he is a bit…frightening," he said.

"Oi, wuz dat sappost ta mean?" Slashy-Stab asked, with a completely honest tone of voice.

The Judge recoiled a bit. "Nothing, nothing."

"Alright den humie."

Gavin said, "Witness, describe the crime itself to us."

Edwin nodded. "Uh…sure thing…" He stopped for a moment, trying to recollect the crime scene, and began his testimony. "I was walking back home with the victim, as we normally do, when we turned into the alleyway. I had forgotten that it was a dead end, so we turned around to exit when we saw somebody in the way. I quickly ducked behind a nearby trash can, though the victim wasn't quite as quick on the uptake. The man just walked right towards her, without saying a word. She tried to run, but there was no way out. When she was cornered, she asked the man what he wanted with her. All he did was shoot her in the head with a pistol, and promptly left, completely ignoring me. Like any citizen would, I called up the police and quickly ran."

_Strange…there's nothing odd about his testimony, but my bracelet isn't activating either. He must be telling the truth…_Apollo thought. _Guess I'll just have to press him for details…_Apollo shot a glance at Slashy-Stab, who seemed to be deep in thought.

The Judge nodded his head. "Seems straightforward to me. The defense may cross-examine the witness," he commanded, punctuating his order with his gavel.

Edwin started up his testimony again. "I was walking back home with the victim, as we normally do, when we turned into the alleyway," he stated.

"HOLD IT!" Apollo cried out. "How long have you known the victim?"

"About…10, 20 years maybe. We went to college together. Nice girl, such a sad thing that she died…"

_Nothing of note there…_

"I had forgotten that it was a dead end, so we turned around to exit when we saw somebody in the way."

"HOLD IT! Please describe this person for the court."

Edwin gulped, but answered, "I didn't get a good look at him, but he was tall, at least six feet. He seemed to be wearing some weird suit. His head was covered by some kind of helmet, and the pauldrons were extremely oversized. Other than that, I can't say anything else; it was kinda dark at the time."

"Oi humie," Slashy-Stab said. "Dis seems important. Tink 'e should add it ta 'iz testimony?"

Apollo nodded. "Please append this to your testimony," he said.

Edwin nodded, and continued. "Whoever it was, he was at least six feet tall and was covered from head to toe in some kind of suit with oversized pauldrons and a helmet covering his head."

"OBJECTION!" Apollo cried out. "Well, this certainly seems odd to me."

Edwin had visibly flinched at Apollo's cry. "W-What are you talking about? I told you just what I saw!"

Apollo nodded. "Indeed. Take a good look at the witness though," he said, trying to sound calmer. "Does he look anything like the guy you were describing?"

Edwin started to think, eyeing over Slashy-Stab as best as he could. "Come to think of it…no…the guy wasn't nearly as…built…as the defendant. And I'm sure I wouldn't have forgotten his green skin. Plus, he's slouching, when the man didn't do that."

Slashy-Stab nodded. "Just az I taught. I tink I know 'o youz talkin' bout, humie," he said, with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

The Judge was obviously confused, but said, "You're sure, Slashy-Stab? Who do you think did it?"

"'Iz name 'scapes me at dis 'ere momen'. But I'll know 'im wen I'z see 'im."

"OBJECTION!" cried Klavier. "Perhaps you're forgetting something, Herr Forehead. This person was wearing a full suit. It would've been impossible to determine any features from him."

"OBJECTION!" Apollo replied, at the top of his lungs. "It would be more than possible to determine at least the basic build of the defendant! I mean, come one, he's friggen' huge!"

"OI!" Slashy-Stab yelled. "I tink dat we'z at leas' got somfing ta work wiv 'ere. I tink dat we'z gonna need annuva day ta work fings out."

The Judge closed his eyes, thinking hard about the situation. When he opened them, he said, "I am inclined to agree with the defense on this one. It would be very difficult to mistake the defendant's size for anyone else's." He slammed his gavel down on his desk. "This court will reconcile tomorrow. I expect both the prosecution and the defense to work on figuring out how this mysterious figure is."


End file.
